henever someone is suffering, whether it’s physical or emotional pain, it is in our nature to want to “fix it” or at the very least facilitate healing. If this person is close to us, a friend, family member or lover, the desire to assist them is even greater! Unfortunately we are not always met with welcoming energy. In fact, the closer the relationship the more the other person may resist and even become mean and defensive.
Sometimes during this period, the only action we can take to protect ourselves and the relationship is to remove ourselves and take a step back. This can be challenging when we want nothing more than to be near them and help comfort them through it all.
If you have a long history with someone (life times maybe), and you have healing to do around your relationship, or events of the past, understand you can never do one hundred percent of the work. I’m talking about important long-term relationships in our lives. I believe it’s not easy, but worth it. Life is amazing and interesting, filled with incredible beauty! Life has the potential for love so intense we feel our hearts might burst, and pain that can bring us to our knees. Life is always changing, and certainly an adventure. There’s a tremendous amount of uncertainty, and not everyone is able to handle that easily. Sometimes people cling to their pain or their anger because that feels safer than letting go. Remember, that what we have within us is what we spread around us.
It takes a long time to know a person. We all want love and connection, but our heart is precious and it’s important not to be reckless with it. There’s a big difference between living in fear (which is not really living), and taking your time.
Human beings are complicated. We all have our histories, our pain, our various upbringings, ways we were nurtured, loved, supported, or not so much. So when you bring any two people together, it’s exponentially more complex. And when you increase that number to three or four or five (as in a community or family), you can bet the chances for exciting dynamics to arise multiplies.
Things happen in life. Sometimes a person is moving through pain and they lash out. Or there’s a system in place and roles are being played and maybe it’s not a healthy scene, and then one day, one of the players doesn’t like his or her role anymore, and everyone panics as the system collapses.
If you have healing to do with someone, understand you need some kind of bridge. It takes two to tango, and it takes two to mend a bridge that has collapsed. I don’t believe in “halfway”, because things are always ebbing and flowing. A person has to at least step onto the bridge, and if you feel motivated to walk the rest of the way, that may be enough. But if a person won’t even take that first step, there’s going to be a chasm. It will be up to you how you want to manage that… sometimes we just can’t have a person in our lives. Sometimes we have to accept that a relationship will never be quite what we want it to be, not everyone is up to fearless and honest communication and acceptance. Not everyone can open his or her mind and heart to a different point of view. We can’t force someone to be somewhere that they aren’t, and may not ever be willing to go.
Sometimes we have to choose between two painful options. Not having someone in our lives, or having them in our lives in a way that falls incredibly short of what we know is possible. We can keep our hands open and offer the chance for healing, but remember we can’t make someone take us up on it, and damn that can hurt!
I think closing ourselves up and shutting down is even more painful, and not living at all.
Whenever I have found myself in this space, I realize that it is just as much of a learning opportunity for me as it is for them. Not only a time to reflect on the relationship in question and what it symbolizes and represents in my life, whether it needs to shift and change in dynamics, or if it’s even worth continuing. It’s also a time for meditation and prayer. Prayers of healing, peace, forgiveness and love. There is no specific formula for healing, no time frame that everyone falls into, Everyone is unique and different. That means we have to not only be patient. But be willing to release and surrender it to “Divine Will.”
Live, Laugh, Love ~<3